I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
