Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
