even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
