This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
