Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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