They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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