Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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