Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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