I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize