i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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