My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
