When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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