Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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