hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
