she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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