but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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