Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
