we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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