If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
