somebody snuck up and got me drunk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
