i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want her autograph on my taint
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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