Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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