At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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