even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
