I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
