Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
