Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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