Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
