how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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