I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize