my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
