If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
