allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your dad touched me again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
