So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
