Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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