Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
