so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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