whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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