I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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