That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
