Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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