I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
