Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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