mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
