Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
