WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
