Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
