I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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