He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
