My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont even know how to be here
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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