He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize