He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
