I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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