Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize