what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize