i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
