I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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