I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
