I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
