I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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