I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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